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Monday, October 19th, 2009
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4:22 pm - Self-Awareness
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During the last months (years?), I have totally forgot who and what I was. I have been going up and down mostly depressed and going from toy to toy to try to get some more happiness.
I forgot the steps I took for last 4-5 years to become the real me. To fully be a girl, I even went as far as forgetting my medication for an extended period of time. But recently I found myself again and realised that during all those years, I could have saved a penny here and there to reach the necessary funds I need for my surgery, this money I spent left and right thinking how such a small sum wasn't going to be needed. But I was wrong. I hope to be able to get this money for the incoming year 2010, I'll try my best to because that's what I always wanted and that's what my life and sanity depends on, it is not an easy goal but if I don't start now, I'll never reach it. I'm pondering selling my motorbike to get some money back although most of it will go to pay its loan first...
I'll hold onto that hope as long as I can, until I finally get the whole sum together, whatever the way to do it, penny by penny if I have to.
current mood:  hopeful
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 27th, 2009
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9:46 am - On other news
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Well, I hope to have a camcorder for christmas but it will have to wait.
My laptop died just two days before my desktop said it had enough.
The mobo died, it doesnt even load the BIOS, and I don't have error codes as I should in those conditions. I managed to get a sata usb enclosure for the hdd and it works as external now.
So I decided to ask for a laptop for christmas instead of a camcorder.
Will see how things go.
current mood:  calm
current music: Ben 10
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7:28 am - New desktop
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My old desktop started to die on me a few days ago: blue screen, hdd continuously working for no apparent reason and difficult boot, sometimes locked at the test screen.
At the same time, I got a commercial in the mail for the 50 years of a supermarket and in it an ad about a new desktop:
- CPU: Intel Core2Quad (2.33GHz) (yes, quad core!, although this one is the smallest they made and has low cache memory, it is still VERY fast)
- RAM: 8 GB of DDR3, 1066MHz
- 1000 GB HDD, 7200, Sata II
- new Nvidia GT 230, 1.5GB (officially unreleased)
- and a nice 23" 1080p screen.
All for 700.-
Yeah I know, if you check those specs, they are not the highest specs you can find but it was a bargain and it does pretty well, never saw photoshop opening in less than 5 seconds before :p
And I'm pretty happy with it, so that's enough ^^.
current mood: happy
current music: Porky Pig on TV
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 30th, 2009
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5:51 pm - Welcome Oxo!
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Today we went to a sort of meeting for dogs, you know with breeders and people selling stuff unrelated.
Well, we found a guy who had ferrets and so we got one!
here's Oxo: http://delphineuni.free.fr/DSC_0775.jpg
Evan has a new friend :).
Well at first he wasn't really happy, he reacted like we were about to toss him and prefer the new ferret, but got better after he had his good share of hugs and scritches.
Oxo is rather nice and doesn't really bite which is surprising for a 3 months ferret. Although he has no vaccine nor chip so tomorrow I'm going to call the vet for that and papers.
He is a stomach on feet, he hasn't slept a second but ate all he could find since he is here.
Somehow he is really talkative which Evan stopped being, my fault as he has been alone for such a long time. I was surprised by his noises at first since Evan only does those when hurt or in bad situation. Oxo seems to do those when happy. Will have to be careful.
For now Evan is the biggest one but in a few months, it will be challenging to tell which is which, Evan has white feet and white head with a pink nose while Oxo has black feet and darker head and a darker nose.
They have been together almost since we arrived and well, let's say Evan hasn't yet been able to sleep ;).
Fights are playful and there's no fear to have really but for a few days I'm going to keep them in separate cages when I'm not at home.
We also saw baby Siberian Huskys for 600€ each. Mom told me to decide which xmas gift I'll have :p.
current mood: happy
current music: Dooking Oxo
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 29th, 2009
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9:21 pm - Bday wish
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| Saturday, August 22nd, 2009
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7:04 pm - Legs are shaking..
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From the second day flying my rc helicopter.
Well, technically, it's the first day, since the last time I spent the whole battery time checking and trimming and had unsolved problems like the training kit I made got always caught in holes in the grass and such.
So today I took it out for the second time, trimmed a good way to the right and it hovered like a charm. My training kit was put to good use and I managed a flight as long as 90 seconds. Which could have been longer but I was so stressed, and worried about breaking something I thought it was good to end it, repositionned the heli in the middle then start again. You are never too safe. I managed a few soft landing as they all should be but the last one was a bit too sharp and I heard a soft 'bang'. Turned throttle off quickly then went to check the heli. The tail boom has a good mark on it and one of the blade has the plastic covering off of the wood. I tried to put some throttle to check the sanity of the blade (not full speed!) but the sound that came out of the plastic made me shut it off as soon. Decided to wait for advice or replacement before next flight. The wood of the blade itself is not even dented, although the plastic being off might make it good for trash.
All in all, I'm very happy on how I flew it, those simulator lessons were really helpful. The heli is reactive enough to act almost as soon as input the commands also, as soon as I wasn't sure of myself, like if it was getting too close from trees or else, I turned off the throttle at a reasonable distance and moved the heli by hand back to the middle. I hope to be soon able to do more than hover with it, it's really awesome!
current mood:  excited
current music: heli's rotor
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 9th, 2009
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4:45 am - Zoo
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| Monday, July 27th, 2009
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1:12 am - Bleh
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You know there's something seriously wrong about you when:
- you are invited to a friend's party, being thanked for all you did to help those guys, enjoy the party and be nicely greeted when leaving and then...
All you think about is every little mistake you COULD have done that would make others think bad of you...
current mood:  blah
current music: laptop fan
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 24th, 2009
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7:47 pm - Short Rant
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What the fuck is wrong with people posting 2 MB thumbnails without a cut on lj communities?
Some people don't want to load your stuff man!
current mood:  bitchy
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 17th, 2009
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8:33 pm - Happy Belated Anniversary
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| Thursday, July 9th, 2009
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6:18 pm - It says "Good"
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I've been waiting to receive my diploma since last week. As nothing happened, a friend decided to go on the minitel (the internet ancestor) to check out for me. I didn't know I'd be listed there as it is a GED stuff and not a big High School Diploma.
So he found my name and if I passed or failed.
So I passed!
And in France there are 'honours' given to students depending on their marks. Mine was "Good" (wikipedia ranks it as High Honour, the others being Fair 'enough to pass', Good Enough 'honours' and Very Good 'highest honours'); That correspond to a mark between 14 and 15.99 out of 20 (which is roughly equivalent to B in USA).
I have yet to know my exact mark.
I iz happy ^^
EDIT: I just found out the diploma I got is quite different from the US GED as the exams were exactly the same as HSD (math exam even included Integration), just less matters to pass. No offense to anyone having a GED.
current mood:  crazy
current music: J'ai Dix Ans - Alain Souchon
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 27th, 2009
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11:44 pm - Stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) orcinus
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Your result for The Mind Self Control Test...
MasterMaster Mind! 
Well what can I say! You probably don't need any advice about any of this. You are active in your own thought process. You are probably well focused. You are self conscious and take action consciously. You are aware of the nature of cause and effect (at least as this applies in a temporal environment... B). You know what your goals are. You don't allow your strengths to dominate your weaknesses. You cultivate balance and harmony in your thought process. You strive to maintain objectivity. You realize the difficulties involved in doing so. You understand that there are always different perspectives other than your own.
Take The Mind Self Control Test at HelloQuizzy
Yeah... so they say...
current mood:  not happy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
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11:12 pm - stolen from selth
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| Sunday, May 31st, 2009
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8:29 pm - News
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I haven't updated my LJ this last few days, so let's start with thursday:
After a correct sleep, i get a normal breakfast which I'll find too heavy for a day-long scuba diving. Will have to be careful with that next time. Fill up the car tank since I don't want to go in someone else's car, not that i don't want to but I don't have money to pay for the travel. On other hand I don't push others to pay me back when they ride with me.
The guy I drove to the diving place was really nice and we talked for a while, first time I meet a professional helicopter pilot.
Somehow we are late because we expected someone else to come with us and in fact, this person went there already, so we had to hurry to change of clothes and wear diving gears, they are cool but really tight around the ankles and wrists. There was much wind and the first diving site was abandonned because there was no way to stabilised the boat with the strong currents, so we go to another place. All is good but I start to feel seasick, I know it will pass as soon as I'm in the water. So we start diving, as usual I'm slightly underweighted, my fault, but not by much. Fortunately I'm not as stressed as a few dives ago when I used half my tank just to dive down to 20 meters. This time I used only 10 bars, which is just ten times less. I'm a lousy diver, I'm not fit and I spend a whole tank while others spend only half of it. I showed the director when I was half and when I was in the red. I knew I could have confidence in him but for no apparent reason I had a panic attack underwater. I wanted to remove the mask and the breather from my mouth, I wanted to throw everything and just dive up to the surface as fast as possible. My old teacher told me about it when i first started to dive, not sure if it's a common stuff though but I managed to control myself. I guess my will is strong enough, cause after we landed, and I told my director about it, he said there was nothing visible in my acts underwater that showed any problem. Although I thought it was good to tell them.
Anyway, we finally reach the surface after this first dive and my tank shows less than 20 bars. And we surfaced like 200 or 300 yards from the boat with opposite currents. At least, the waves helped some and I swam more with each wave to gain from them, it took quite a while to get to the boat, but it was good not to be alone, then we had to remove stuff while holding the boat with one hand, my weight belt turned and I didnt thought of turning it underwater, so my director helped me, I turned facing the water, with my arm twisted and holding the boat, fighting to stay still as he asked me to :p.
From now on, my strenght was limited to the minimum, but I still had to get back into the boat, thanks to my fellow co-divers, it went easily but I was feeling pretty bad, a mixture of seasickness, dizzy head from too much effort, empty stomach and reminiscent of fear from underwater, or rather trying to understand it. I laid down on the boat floor until we arrive, I was cold and shaky (not visibly so though), of course I covered myself but the wind didnt help. We ate and I told the boss, I won't go to the next dive, he said ok but my dive director talked me into it, since I started to feel better after a small sandwich.
The second was rather uneventful; there was no current there, my tank went down as fast as before but we saw lots of interesting animals, like lobsters, tiny sharks, crabs, spider crabs, lots of fishes and even a torpedo ray, first time I ever saw one live.
Then it was time to drive home, I drove the guy back to his car and he gave me 10 bucks for the ride (I don't ask for those but it's the second time and the first guy calculated that's what my car costed me for the ride, so heh.).
Had enough time to shower and even rest a bit in it. Tiredness started to fit in but managed to go to school, and spend the two hours of course without a problem, thanks to the talented teacher. (One of them is so boring, he'd put me asleep even if I was on high-level cafeine). She told me something I heard when I was in school twelve years ago and which is still true:
I have the knowledge, I have the brain but I lack the way to explain it on paper in a scientific way (developping an explanation with details down to the conclusion).
Then comes friday, not much happened then, I tried to ride my bike but everyone decided to go on weekend at the same time, I drove like 40 miles in 2h30. Ordered two pizza, a special IE8 (yes the shop makes a internet explorer 8 pizza!) and a nutella one. The IE8 is really good but the other one is just a pasta fold in two with the nutella in it, the pasta was already getting hard as I got it, havent touched it since, will see if I can get it softer.
Saturday: naught.
Sunday: that is today. I went for a long ride, everything went well, 2h30 of ride, my ass just couldnt handle more, so I stopped under the sun for half an hour, no one to bother me it was really cool and then rode again, for almost another hour. It could have been the perfect if not 500 yards before my house, at a traffic light, I encountered a problem:
My light turned green, so I start, I got my sign to turn left, which means everyone coming in front has the right of way, in front there are two separate lanes with one light each, one lane goes straight or left (from their pov), the other goes right, ie: my right.
No car on the first lane, but one at the second, I start slow, cross the street slowly waiting for the car to move since I'm not sure if her light has turned green or not, I still go slow waiting for it to go then decide she might be red and starts to accelerate
...And so she does...
I was relatively far (not 100 yards though) from her, I braked hard, my rear tire slid a bit (might have been on the crossing lines). And I yelled at her.
The old person on the wheel was just not realising her light was green and she realised it as I came to her. Nothing wrong happened but it still pisses me off that people are not concentrated on their driving. If anything had happened I'd have been responsible because she had the right of way..
Oh well, it's over now and it's time to rest a bit waiting for mick to connect.
current mood: content
current music: Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
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4:29 pm - Those dinos...
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2:59 pm - Prices and money
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The more it goes and the more I am careful at the prices when shopping, looking for promotions, checking if the prix per kg is really cheaper for a larger quantity or money going to the shop-card. I am even more careful as I am running low on money. I'll be happy to go back working this summer even if it's truck driving, it will bring good money (and allows myself to buy my nerdy N97 :p).
Although, I still try to buy food I like, I dont really want to eat shit because it's cheaper, ham is a good example, cheap ham is nothing but water and plastic-like pink stuff.
I got myself the last Lucky Luke comic, as I like to get myself a few things from time to time. It looks like in france, comics are considered as "collectors items" because they really arent cheap: 8€50 for that one.
Got 1€00 on my card today for 59€00 spent.
On other note, good apple is good.
current mood:  curious
current music: Chuck WhiteHorse - It Can't Come Soon Enough
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 25th, 2009
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12:45 pm - random thoughts
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Packing for the last two weeks of school, then there will be another week off (called week of rehearsal) then the exams.
Mom said we are going to Tai-Shi together after school.
XL sweating t-shirt (special "breathing" fibers) is just a bit too large for me.
In two weeks, I'll drive the bike home: 110 miles or so. Not that I might but I just have too long legs to seat correctly on it, and a special forward foot rest (5" further than normal forward controls) is 600€ without installation, no longer seat exists.
I haven't drawn in a long time, two commissions are overdue, I shall repair that very soon.
I might try to record myself singing one day, SingStar is just a game but it gave me enough confidence and so did DJ PonyHard.
I wonder if I can get my ferret to travel with my to US with the correct papers and vaccines.
If I get good grades at the final exam, mom wants to offer me a big gift.
Live long and prosper \\//.
current mood:  random
current music: The Final Countdown
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 17th, 2009
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8:28 am - In search
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..of a job.
Really want to work with horses but there's always a slight problem:
I need a riding level, a sort of sport diploma to show you get enough skills...
Each riding level is roughly a year of riding for a normal rider. And I'm required level 7. In other words it's the level that allows you to train for being a riding teacher. Until then no problem.
Two facts:
1: I've seen level 7 riders falling from a horse who avoided a jump, while I, with my pity level 2 at the time, I could stand still on said horse. I was even given level 5 horses at the time when their dedicaded riders didnt come. I even rode stallions in shows for years and international-class dressage horses. (a tiny lil 10 years in all). And yet I can't get a job because I don't have the official level. Which leads to our...
2nd fact: Horse riding is like any sports considered as a hobby for employment company, so I need to pay from my pocket to get official riding levels, that is a minimum of a day riding every week for 4 years since I have level 3 and I need level 7, although I might be able to get them a bit faster, I can't afford it right now and despite a new stuff now in place called "valorisation of experiences" which transforms your experience into a paper (duh!), there's nothing about 1: horses, 2: sports levels.
I visited someone lately who would have been more than happy to hire me, BUT:
1: For hiring me, he needs to get his whole farm "upgraded" to reflect the new laws about security and work-comfort (my ass! I've worked 10 years with horses and I never cared that a tractor had to have power steering). Which means hundreds of thousands of euro to get someone working with him.
2: the Veterinary State Services are on his back waiting for anything, they visited him lately, his horses are the most gentle I ever saw but this asshole from the services just was too afraid to go close to the horses alone to "chip" them so she wrote in her papers that she wasnt allowed to check the horses... So they are a bit pissed off, and hoping for him to make a mistake. If he ever hires illegally, which personally I don't care, the country isn't making things worth being hired*, and I ever have an accident they'll make him close his farm. And he doesn't need that.
*If I don't work I get money from the unemployement (right now a whooping great 1200€/month because I worked at 2500 for a long period); If I go to school, I don't get money anymore because "I'm not looking for a job anymore" (so I claim I'm doing evening classes, which is not a lie); If I work 1 day a month, as I had to do for my mutual insurance in November, I get 200€ less on my unemployment pay, unfortunately, I'm not paid 200€ a day at work, which means : unemployment + work = less than not working...
In 12 years, the unemployment called me twice for a job... while I was working... for apples...
current mood:  cynical
current music: Pink Panther theme
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8:09 am
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8:03am Back from the bakery
8:04am Cleaning my coffee bowl
8:05am Making morning breakfast... damn already 8:07am gotta do all this now.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 16th, 2009
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1:36 pm - Seen in the news today
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Obama changes his mind and Russia violently arrests and molests 20 homosexuals (who asked for the same rights as others) in front of molested journalist the day of the eurovision final (which occurs in Russia).
current mood: pensive
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tired
nerdy